Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
