and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
two words...techno handjob
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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