I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
People with herpes should wear stickers.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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