I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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