Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
