We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
