I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
