Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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