when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i would punch a child for taco bell
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
This show inspires me to have sex in space
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize