capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
