But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
