I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
