Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
organizing the empties. That sober.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
