We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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