I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
