No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
