Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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