I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
