your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize