i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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