i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
He has the fingertips of a God
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