since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
