Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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