well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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