i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Randomize
