I looked at my own cervix.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
