He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
