this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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