Nicole vs. Life
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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