Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
