If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
