Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize