Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
