The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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