just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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