the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
