Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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