Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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