When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
