I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Don't EVER smell your tampon
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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