it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Four minutes until I can fart!
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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