Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
