so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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