His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
