I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
