Taylor Swift is so right about you.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
