last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
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