apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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