I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Randomize
