I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
