If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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