you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
