ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
