so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I'd cum for enchiladas.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
