keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
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