$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
