you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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