Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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