I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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