going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
