when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
