Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
