Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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