omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
