i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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