Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize