I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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