i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
