Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
There's always time for handjobs
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Two words: blizzard sex
Randomize
