Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
