He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Randomize