The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
