we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
