if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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