some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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