She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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