I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
