You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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