Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
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