why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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