You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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