We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
