Little spoons don't ask big questions
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
