And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Everclear isn't food dammit
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Randomize
