I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Randomize
