ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
