roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
You made out with two different species that night
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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