WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize