I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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