so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
