I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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