I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
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