I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
