okay pat passed out under dana's car
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
