mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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