I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
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