goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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