I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
