my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize